Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Could This Be True!?!?!?!?!?

The comedy gods read my blog! lol.....or they listen to everybody's opinions! Apparently this is all alleged, but if it's true, then SNL might not be sooooooo bad next season.

Horatio Sanz - OUT!

Kenan Thompson - OUT!

Chris Parnell - OUT!

Finesse Mitchell - OUT!

Tina Fey - OUT! (Left On Her Own)

Rachel Dratch - OUT! (Left On Her Own)

Maya Rudolph - Might Be Leaving On Her Own

Darrell Hammond - Working out terms of his contract!

Amy Poehler - Not The Weekend Update Lady Anymore!

Jason Sudeikis - The New Weekend Update Person?

Seth Myers - Promoted to Head Writer To Take Tina Fey's Place

Now, if they would just get rid of this Will Forte character!

Celebrity Duets

Do not watch Celebrity Duets....It is the most boring show ever. Even I don't like it! I'm going to continue to watch it, because I love bad television, but it's horrible.

Little Richard, Marie Osmond and David Foster are judges on the show. Little Richard looks scary! All of the judges are too nice. They praise the celebrities and tell them that they can sing well.............but they're soooooo bad.....

Anyway, Chris Jericho, the wrestler, was eliminated last night because he is freaking horrible! This show is soooooo bad!

You're Fired

It was reported today that Carolyn Kepcher, Donald Trump's top female assistant was fired recently. Ivanka Trump, Donald's daughter, will replace her next season. Don Trump, Jr. will fill in for "The Trumps" other assistant, George Ross, occasionally throughout the season.

"An article citing unnamed sources in Thursday's New York Post, which first reported the story, indicated Kepcher's lack of focus as a reason for the firing.

Trump had had trouble reaching her recently as she had been away on a trip to give a speech, the sources told the newspaper."

I always thought that Carolyn and George were really important players in the show. Sounds like a case of "BUT DADDY! I WANT TO BE ON TELEVISION!" I don't want to see Trump and his kids at a table yelling at people. How is that fun?

Waste No Time!

Ok, I'll make this a short one....

Remember that whole mine incident, the whole "12 miners found alive! No wait, it's only one!" fiasco?

Well, Randal McCloy, Jr. - the sole survivor of the tragic mine incident, who is still recovering from brain damage and is undergoing rehabilitation - and his wife are expecting their third child!

I guess the carbon monoxide only affected one brain! Awwwwww...Michael.....That's horrible!

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Talent?

Well, okay, I'm going to start this off by saying that there is no chance that the movie "The Gaurdian" starring Kevin Costner and Ashton Kutcher is going to be good. The movie is about about two Coast Guard swimmers who rescue fishermen and boaters from dangerous ocean waters.


First of all, it stars Kevin Costner and Ashton Kutcher. Kevin Costner is the most boring actor in the world. He has only one emotion....I think he only smiles once during each movie, and I think it might just be because he's gassy.... Has this guy even been marketable since "Field of Dreams"?

Oh man, and Ashton Kutcher. I'll just give you a quote from a press conference today, where Mr. Kutcher addressed many "Coasties" to promote the movie: "When I first read the script, I thought it was all made up because I didn't think anyone got to be that cool."

Speaking of great acting, Kevin Federline will be appearing as a "menacing, arrogant teen who harasses investigators" in an episode of CSI that is tentatively set to air in October. Why does this man get a part on the most watched show on television!!!! I hope he gets to quote his song "America's Most Hated":

"But its okay, i got somethin for ya
I'm handin' out ass kickins' like diplomas
Who the first to get it?
Ya' know K Feds wit it, All that shit rappers talk about, I already did it.
I'm committed - to the game, The fames why I hustle
Lyrical exercise, workin' every muscle on the double
Chief and commanda
Hand ya ass to ya in a basket wrapped in plastic
I'm looney, All these model chicks wanna do me."

One movie I am looking forward to seeing is Jackass 2, coming out on September 22, 2006. Allegedly, Johnny Knoxville is even crazier in the second movie.

Happy Birthday!

What famous person turned "three-quarters of a century" old last Friday, August 25, 2006? Ok, I'm pretty sure that Colleen will be the only person interested in this trivia question.

What famous musician turns 48 today, Wednesday, August 29, 2006?

Birthday Answers After This!

Who said this? "You guys in New York can't get a hole in the ground fixed, and it's five years later. So let's be fair."

You guessed it! New Orleans Mayor Ray "Chocolate City" Nagin!

Finally, did you hear that Paul McCartney changed the locks on his house and has frozen his bank accounts to make it difficult for Heather Mills McCartney to spend a lot of money.... Well, allegedly she is now looking into getting a job at IHOP! Ha! Ha! Ha!

By the way....Regis Philbin is now 75 years old and still going strong!


Michael Jackson turns 48 today...Well, at least some of him does.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Good Stuff

CNN's Kyra Phillips was caught with her microphone on during a press conference given by George W. Bush on the one year anniversary of hurricane Katrina.

Here's the link to the video of the press conference. Watch it, it's only about a minute or so....It's very funny.



Wonkette.com provided a transcript of her audio....:

"Highlights: The clip starts with what sounds like ASSHOLES. Then Kyra talks about, presumably, a boy of some sort: No ego you don't understand., just a really passionate, compassionate human being. And they exist! They do exist. They're hard to find

COWORKER: Yep.

KYRA: But they are out there.

Thankfully, Mom seems to approve (good vibe)

Then, Kyra again: Of course brothers hafta be, you know, protective. [ZIP] Except for mine. I gotta be protective of him. Ugh, yeah. He's married, three kids, but his wife is just a control freak.

Then the best part:

WOMAN: Kyra
KYRA: Yeah baby
WOMAN: Your mic is on.
ANCHOR: All right, we've been listening in to..."

Thursday, August 24, 2006

MVEMJSNU

Here's an interesting question....I've been thinking about the television "Saved By The Bell" recently, and I ran across this tid bit of information. On "Saved By The Bell", who achieved the highest SAT score? Was it Screech Powers? Zack Morris? Kelly Kapowski? Lisa Turtle? AC Slater? Jessie Spano?

Here's another fun question....What does AC stand for in AC Slater? By the way, AC Slater does rank very high in my Mullet Masterpiece poll.


Albert Clifford

Somewhere Clyde Tombaugh (the guy who discovered Pluto) is rolling over in his grave. Pluto, the only planet to be discovered by an American and the only planet discovered in the 20th century, has been demoted...and then there were eight.


Here are the SAT scores of our favorite high school kids. That's right! Zack Morris is smarter than you!



1. Zack (1502)
2. Screech (1220)
3. Jessie (1205)
4. Lisa (1140)
5. Kelly (1100)
6. Slater (1050)

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Survivor

I have never been a huge fan of the show "Survivor", but now I think I may have to watch it this season... There's going to be a new mix of contestants that are going to be put on teams according to their RACE! Yes!


Blacks vs. Whites vs. Asians vs. Latinos!

Are you a racist if you pick one team as your favorite?

You know what would be great! If they played on all the racial stereotypes.....And I wonder what kind of challenges they are going to have.....I hope there are no math test challenges, because the Asians would kick everyone's ass in that challenge. It's ok though, all of the other teams would make up round in the driving challenge! Come on guys, they're just stereotypes....laugh out loud....it's ok....it's good for your heart.

Ok fine.....since I'm expecting backlash from you oversensitive people......They should have a competition to see who's the best at watching cars drive around an oval for five hours!

And you know what's more fun! The contestants include heavy-metal guitarist, a female police officer who has been shot in the line of duty, a Vietnam War refugee who manages a nail salon and a gay fashion director for a denim company!!!!!!!

Oh man, the more and more I think about this.....pitting races against each other on one of the more watched shows in television history......this can't be good....

Interesting Information


He's previously worked as a coffin polisher and a milkman. In 1953, he finished third in his division in the Mr. Universe pageant. He turned down the role of Gandalf in "The Lord of The Rings" trilogy because he couldn't understand the novels and didn't want to film in New Zealand for 18 months. Here's the biggest hint: He once to Barbara Walters in an interview that it was "ok to hit a woman if they deserved it or needed it to keep them in line". He became one of the most famous actors in the world.....Who is the man in the white speedo? Answer after this.

I was looking at news stories this morning, and being the father of a one-year old, I naturally gravitated toward the story about Elmo. The headline read: "Elmo is a Brother!" I was thinking that a new character is going to be joining Sesame Street, Elmo is going to get a baby brother. Nope.... Elmo is voiced by a black guy. Now read the headline again...."Elmo is a Brother!" Oh!!!!!!! A brother!


Speaking of brothers. If you didn't see Kevin Federline's performance on Sunday. Here are some lyrics from his mad rhymes.


"Let me take you back to five o'clock, when I roll my Lamborghini down the block.

But not before I make them chop the top, and throw some 22's. Oh, that's hot.


As I roll to a restaurant for a bite to eat, no tuxedo 'cause they recognize me.

A lifestyle of rich living and fast cars, don't hate me 'cause I'm a superstar."


Ok, I know you are all biting your nails and dying to know the identity of that muscled man pictured above. The gentleman is Sir Sean Connery. Seven-time James Bond and Indiana Jones' Father.


BAD NEWS

Bad news for Viva La Bam fans! The Associated Press has reported that Vincent "Don Vito" Margera, Bam's uncle, was arrested for two felony counts of sexual assault on a child during an event at a mall skateboarding park where he had made a promotional appearance.


A city spokeswoman has said he is accused of inappropriately touching two children during the event.

Monday, August 21, 2006

CRAPPY!!!!!!

Have you ever gotten out of bed in the morning and felt like utter crap. Like all of the blood has been drained from your body. Like you want to tear your face off and throw it at a rock, just because you don't have the energy to pick up the rock and hit yourself in the face with it. I am so drained today. Maybe I'll leave early.

Kevin Federline rocked the world last night.....I know that no one recorded it or watched it.....There were actually some funny moments. Dane Cook told Mischa Barton that there was something that he wanted to give her, ever since he watched her for the first time on "The OC"......then he handed her a sandwich. Ok....so there was a funny moment. Jessica Simpson is a bit of horribleness, wrapped in a lot of horribleness and then dipped in horribleness!

Noah and I went to the library on Sunday and picked up a few books. All of the picture board books at the Huntington Beach Library are in a brightly colored boat in the middle of the children's section. So mothers will take their children in the boat and read with them, but if you sit in the boat, you are blocking all of the books on the shelves inside the boat. It's not a very big boat! So this woman was sitting in the boat with six kids! Noah and I could only look at about 15 books. Oh well, we got what we needed....

Ok....I'm bored with my blog today....

Janis Joplin


Just for your information......Zooey Deschanel will be playing Janis Joplin in the upcoming movie.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Duets


Another good show is entering into the fray at 8:00 p.m. on August 29, 2006! The show is called "Duets". Every week, a celebrity will perform with a singer, and every week a "Duet" will go home. It's kind of like "Dancing With The Stars", but more like Acting Stars Singing with Singing Stars.

The professional singers will include: Patti LaBelle, Aaron Neville, Clint Black, Michael Bolton, Belinda Carlisle, Taylor Dayne, Peter Frampton, Macy Gray, James Ingram, Wynonna Judd, Chaka Khan, Kenny Loggins, Richard Marx, Brian McKnight, Smokey Robinson, Randy Travis, Dionne Warwick and Lee Ann Womack. That's a pretty impressive lineup if you ask me.

Now, the actors and actresses that are going to be performing in these duets........um.....let's just say that they could have picked a few people that are recent or relevant..... The celebrities include Lucy Lawless (XENA WARRIOR PRINCESS), Lea Thompson (CAROLINE IN THE CITY), Cheech Marin (CHEECH AND CHONG), Carly Patterson (WON A GOLD MEDAL IN 2004), Hal Sparks (QUEER AS FOLK), Jai Rodriguez (QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY STYLE GURU).....and my favorite......Alfonso Ribeiro (CARLTON FROM THE FRESH PRINCE OF BEL AIR!)

Speaking Of Carlton!


Speaking of Alfonso Ribeiro.....Following the trend of Hollywood "IT" couples splitting up, such as Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro, and Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler, and Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards, and Kate Hudson and Chris Robinson, Alfonso (Carlton) Ribeiro and his wife Robin Stapler have called it quits after four years of marriage. Very depressing.


Hey, did you hear about Brad Garrett getting divorced and not telling his family or friends or cast members? That's interesting.

Boy George


You guys all know the story about Boy George getting arrested for cocaine possession after he called the police to his house to report a robbery at his house, and when the cops were searching his house they found a big pile of cocaine.


Well, he got community service. He has to clean up the mean streets of New York City in a bright orange vest. His lawyer allegedly gave a few other community service options to the judge. The other community service options included Boy being a DJ at an HIV AIDS benefit, do some telephone outreach - calling houses to tell people to stay away from drugs, or he could put together a fashion/makeup seminar. Um.....Yeah....Not so much.....

Is This Why Hunting Makes You A Real Man?

Troy Lee Gentry, of the country singing duo Montgomery Gentry, has been accused of killing a tame black bear that federal officials say he tagged as "killed in the wild".

Authorities allege that Gentry purchased the bear, then killed it with a bow and arrow in an enclosed pen on the seller's property in October 2004.

The government alleges that Gentry and Greenly tagged the bear with a Minnesota hunting license and registered the animal with the state Department of Natural Resources as a wild kill.

Gentry allegedly paid about $4,650 for the bear, named Cubby. The bear's death was videotaped, and the tape later edited so Gentry appeared to shoot the animal in a "fair chase" hunting situation, the government alleges.

Best Worst Song Ever!


In my opinion, country singer Trace Adkins recently released the worst song ever. I think it's horrible, but country music fans have made this song the number one country music song in the country. The song is called "HONKY TONK BADONKADONK"!!!!!! Here's a few of his insanely creative lyrics.

"Got it goin' on
Like Donkey Kong"

"Shut my mouth, slap your grandma
There outta be a law
Get the Sheriff on the phone
Lord have mercy, how's she even get them britches on
That honky tonk badonkadonk"

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Bill Clinton

Ok, it's been a while since the last blog and I have found some pretty good things to talk about, but it's been really slow.


Did you know that Bill Clinton turns 60 on Saturday. He's planning a two month long celebration of his birthday with additional celebrations on September 9 and October 29, 2006. The additional parties will be birthday parties / fundraisers where some small names have been slated to perform. On September 9, Bill and approximately 2,000 guests will get a private concert from Tim McGraw, James Taylor and Lenny Kravitz, and see a performance from Billy Crystal.

On October 29, Bill and another group of friends will be serenaded by little group known as the ROLLING STONES. I know they're old, but they're still selling out stadiums everywhere! Last time they played a birthday party, it is rumored that they made upwards of $7,000,000 for their one performance!

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Paradox?

Short blog today....the battery is about to die.

There has been a reversal of fortune for the Spears-Federline family. I wrote a while back about Kevin Federline being nominated for Top Red Carpet Fashion Icon at the 2006 Fox Teen Choice Awards. Well, Sean Preston Spears-Federline has been chosen as the "Worst Dressed Man In The World" by Esquire Magazine. Hmmmmmm.....is this a paradox?

Friday, August 11, 2006

Very Very Funny Story


The Associated Press reports that Lindsay Lohan says she wants to go to Iraq with Hillary Clinton and entertain the American troops stationed there.

"I've been trying to go to Iraq with Hillary Clinton for so long. Hillary was trying to work it out, but it seemed too dangerous," the 20-year-old actress says in an interview in the September issue of Elle magazine, on newsstands Wednesday.

Lohan, says she hoped to emulate Marilyn Monroe, who would travel to entertain the troops, and said she would prepare for her trip to Iraq by taking shooting lessons with her security guard.

A spokesman for the senator offered a slightly different take on Lohan's contact with the New York Democrat's office.

"It was suggested to her that if she wanted to go, she could pursue doing so through the USO," said spokesman Philippe Reines.

So the actress who has been hospitalized for exhaustion and dehydration twice in 2006 wants to go and battle the 120 degree heat with 25% humidity in Iraq. I love how she says that Hillary said the trip seemed too dangerous and Hillary's office said that they recommended that she should try going with the USO. Could you imagine the conversation between Hillary Clinton and Lindsay Lohan on the approximately 14 hour plane flight from New York to Iraq? I imagine it would end with Hillary Clinton begging one of her secret service men to shoot her in the head and put her out of her misery. Oh man, to be a fly on that wall....

Totally Relevant Facts That Are Important For Your Wellbeing

So the new guy quit today. He had worked at the company for about two weeks. We apparently did not have enough work for him. Eh, whatever.


Question of the day: According to the International Shark Attack File, Florida ranked number one in shark attacks in the United States in 2005 with 18. What state ranked second? Answer after this.

According to Mr. Mike Rowe, host of Discovery Channel's Shark Week, eight people were killed by sharks last year....WORLDWIDE. That's bad, right? Well, he also stated that twenty-four people were killed by ostriches last year.

Did you know that the World Cup game with the lowest ratings was watched by 93,000,000 households, and the final game (Italy vs. France) was watched by 284,000,000 households?


Have you seen Road House? What a bad ass movie! When Patrick Swayze rips that guys throat out with his bare hand. He should have known...."Nobody puts Baby in a corner."


By the way....I'm reading Jose Canseco's book "Juiced" about steroids in baseball....He's my favorite player ever...but all he talks about is how he wasn't liked as much as Mark McGwire and how everyone was a racist and hated him because he was Cuban.


Did you guess South Carolina? South Carolina came in second with 5 shark attacks in 2005.
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