Monday, August 31, 2009

What The Font?

Are people really upset about this? So IKEA changes fonts from "Futura" to "Verdana".... It's all people are talking about on the internet. So what if it's a Microsoft font? I don't see the difference....

A week ago, Romanian design consultant Marius Ursache started an online petition called "Ikea, Please Get Rid of Verdana." As I write this, the petition has almost 3,000 signatures.

Oh, wait a minute.... After seeing the difference between the two fonts.... Oh, no, wait.... I still don't care.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Double Down

KFC has a nine and a two, the dealer has a four showing..... What do they do? Double Down!

Sorry. I didn't laugh either.... Anyway, Kentucky Fried Chicken is testing their new Double Down Sandwich in Omaha, Nebraska and Providence, Rhode Island. The new sandwich consists of two slices of bacon, a slice of pepper jack cheese, a slice of Swiss cheese, and some of the Colonel's sauce, all between two filets of KFC original recipe chicken.

Sorry cholesterol, I want one. Maybe I'll order it without the "Colonel's Sauce".

Thursday, August 27, 2009

What You Talkin' 'Bout, Willis?

Did you know that the tallest building in the United States, the Sears Tower, has changed names and is now the Willis Tower? It's actually been named the Willis Tower since July....

Have you heard about these new glass-bottomed skydecks they installed at the 103rd Floor! 1,353 feet above the ground! Each deck can hold up to five tons and are now open to the public. Time for a vacation....

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Microsoft Is Racist

First Vista, now this? A Microsoft advertisement was altered to include the head of a white man over the head of a black man for their polish site. Hey Microsoft, if you're going to poorly photoshop a white man's head on a black man's body, the least you can do is poorly photoshop a white man's hands on a black man's body....

Do polish people dislike black people? I'm not quite sure I understand why they changed this photo....

Youth In Revolt

Michael Cera is always good when he's on the screen, but he's always injected a 'George-Michael Bluth' energy into every role. He seems to be pushing the envelope a bit and showing a little pep in this awkward teenager Fight Club-type movie 'Youth In Revolt'.... Check out this trailer....

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Babies Are Expensive!

We were in Babies'R'Us this weekend, looking for some more cute girl stuff, and we realized that having a baby these days is an expensive proposition.... And it was on clearance!

Monday, August 24, 2009

Winkers - Best Pants Ever!!!!

Has your mother ever said to you, 'You better be good, because I have eyes on the back of my ass.'?

I would buy every pair of these pants, just because of my love for all things bad.... Ok, so maybe they shouldn't have started the commercial with the first pair of pants, they aren't the best example of the Winkers. But, around the 1:04 mark in the video, magic happens. See the mesmerizing quacking duck pants.... Let them draw you in.... Then at the 2:18 mark in the video, the mystical owl draws beckons to you with his wise and playful winks....

I couldn't decide whether I wanted to write that thing about mothers at the beginning of the blog, or if I should write "Hey, is that asshole winking at me?". I'm still torn between the two....

Friday, August 21, 2009

Back With A Bang #2

I asked for it.... I said "What's next NFL?". Well, they gave it to me... The notably loud All Pro NFL Wide Receiver Chad Ochocinco, who legally changed his name from Chad Johnson to reflect the 85 on his jersey, filled in for the injured kicker in a preseason game between the Cincinnati Bengals and the New England Patriots.

Ochocinco successfully kicked the extra point after the Bengals only touchdown of the the game and kicked off to start the third quarter.... Anything else NFL?

How Much Would You Pay To Be On Top Of Marilyn Monroe?

Do you want to die in style?

Look no further.... Ms. Elsie Poncher of Beverly Hills is selling the crypt space directly above Ms. Marilyn Monroe at Westwood Village Memorial Park. In a plan to help pay her mortgage, Ms. Poncher says she will move her husband's remains over one spot into a crypt intended as her final resting place, and she would be cremated instead when her time comes.

The other well known celebrities sharing their eternal resting place right with Marilyn include: Dean Martin, Farrah Fawcett, Natalie Wood, Peggy Lee, Donna Reed, Mel Torme, Roy Orbison, Burt Lancaster, Jack Lemmon, Walter Matthau, Don Knotts, Frank Zappa, Rodney Dangerfield, Robert Stack, Merv Griffin and Carl Wilson. Hugh Hefner has even purchased the empty crypt space next to Marilyn Monroe.

When she posted the crypt space for sale on Ebay, Ms. Poncher expected to make around $500,000. The bids are now up to $4,602,300.00!!!! How much would you pay to be on top of Marilyn Monroe?

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Catch It, Bin It, Kill It

David McCusker is the gentleman who is seen sneezing in this advertisement from the National Health Service in the United Kingdom. The ads were created to help citizens of the United Kingdom combat the evil swine flu.

Well, with a huge slap from irony's open palm, David McCusker has caught the swine flu. He told the London Daily Mail: 'I was supposed to 'Catch It, Bin It, Kill It'. But instead I've been shivering, shaking and spreading it.'

Leaning Tower Of Fail

This video takes me back to the old days.... I remember when I was younger, and I'd build these really awesome towers out of building blocks. There was one, it was beautiful, almost ten blocks high.... Then some kid would walk over and kick it down, and then laugh maniacally.... I ran to my room, tears pouring out of my eyes, screaming "You're such a bully! You're such a bully!". Then my wife would come to console me and tell me, "Your son is only three, he didn't know how hard you worked on that tower."

P.S. Yeah, I know it's fake.... Who needs to answer their phone during a live newscast? Regardless, that sure was a lot of Jenga blocks.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Another Reason To Hate Patricia Heaton

Patricia Heaton was on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" a few night ago, and royally embarrassed herself in front of America and Regis Philbin.

If you want to skip the informal small talk crap and get straight to the ridiculousness that is Patricia Heaton, skip to the 3:00 mark in the video....

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Parallel Parking

My wife was born and raised on the east coast. She had to parallel park their gigantic Dodge Ram Van every day, into teenie tiny parking spaces on busy streets.

I was born and raised on the west coast. I don't get the opportunity to parallel park very often. And when I do have the chance to squeeze my truck in between two other cars, it usually takes me three or four tries until I give up to go find another spot or I succeed (while my wife either laughs or yells at me).

This kid flawlessly parallel parks his monster truck in between his parents cars. He's four years old and he's already a better driver than I am....

Monday, August 17, 2009

Citizen Of The Day #2

Nate Hill, a performance artist from Brooklyn, New York, has garnered quite a bit of attention for his actions.

Dressed in a white tuxedo and a dolphin headpiece, he transforms into he becomes his "Crackie". And every other Saturday night, between the hours of 10 p.m. and 2 a.m., he delivers $1 bags of "crack" - really crystallized sugar - to anyone who calls in an order in Williamsburg and Greenpoint, New York.

Just what we need, another large man dressed as a large dolphin in a tuxedo, selling fake crack to anyone who orders. This is becoming an epidemic!

Friday, August 14, 2009

Little Hands, Big Fish

This is fake, right? The video has become super popular all around the internet, but I just don't see how it can be real.... What do you think? The fish has to weigh as much as the little girl.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

International Left-Handers Day!

That's right! August 13! It's International Left-Handers Day!

Approximately one in ten people in the world are left-handed. I did the calculations, I'd say around ten people read my blog regularly, including myself (because I'm just that narcissistic).

So, if one out of ten people in the world is left-handed.... Ten people read my blog (including me)..... I'm left-handed..... I really know how to write for my audience.

Now if you'll excuse me, Barack Obama, Angelina Jolie and I are going to go smudge some ink while we write our name in the guest book for the Left-Handers Party.... Left-Handers! Represent!

Mega Burger

These are straight from the McDonald's Japan website....

I introduce to you the "Mega Big Mac"

And the "Mega Tamago Burger". Three beef patties, one egg, bacon, cheese, lettuce and special sauce. All on a sesame seed bun.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Dog Won't Take Treats From Obama

What does Obama have to do? Can he make nobody happy? Why is the dog too proud to accept government aid?

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

The Imaginarium Of Dr. Parnassus

What would you do if the lead actor in your film, in this case Heath Ledger in "The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus", died during the filming of the movie?

Director Terry Gilliam decided not to shut down production, but to get a few small time actors to fill Heath's shoes.... You may not have heard of them.... Only Johnny Depp, Jude Law and Colin Farrell. The three actors will play transformed versions of Ledger's character traveling through a magical realm. On another amazing note, the three actors have donated their entire salaries from filming "The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus" to Heath's daughter Mathilda.

Here's the trailer for Heath's last work.... It looks weird, creepy and exciting....

I Am A Product Of The 80's

I thought this was very funny....

Back With A Bang

The NFL is back! The Tennessee Titans and Buffalo Bills in the Hall of Fame (Preseason) Game. Watch as the rookie punter from Ohio State University, AJ Trapasso, fakes the punt on the opening drive and runs the ball 40 yards for a touchdown. I'm in... What's next NFL?

Monday, August 10, 2009

Citizen Of The Day

At first, I was upset with the City of Tulare for shutting down this poor little girl's lemonade stand, then I found out she was charging $2.00 for a glass of lemonade..... Damned inflation....

Thursday, August 6, 2009

John Hughes

Oh crap! John Hughes died of a heart attack today at the age of 59.

What an amazing mind.... Almost everything this man put down on paper was gold. The man wrote "Planes, Trains and Automobiles", the National Lampoon "Vacation" and "Christmas Vacation" movies, "Pretty in Pink", "Ferris Bueller's Day Off", "The Breakfast Club", "Mr. Mom", "Uncle Buck", "Sixteen Candles", "The Great Outdoors", "Weird Science", all the "Home Alone" movies, all the "Beethoven" movies. Not only did he write these movies, but he produced and directed most of them.....

Genius.... Pure genius....

The man wrote, produced and directed the movie "Curly Sue" for god's sake! He's probably the only person in the world who's been able to make Jim Belushi somewhat funny or charming.

By the way, a little tid bit of information... Can you name the highest grossing American comedy movie of all time?

Home Alone..... So Macaulay Caulkin is the star of the highest grossing American comedy movie of all time, and he's dating Mila Kunis? Makes sense, right?

Eat That Watermelon!

Apparently I've been out of the rap game for too long....

Are we really worried that corporate (the white man) is causing hip hoppers to sell out and promote their culture's negative stereotypes?

Unfortunately, the ditty NAS and Nick Cannon created to combat the racist tyranny of the corporate monster is really catchy.... And really makes me want to eat watermelon.... They're right, it is good!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Birds Of Peace

I'm in Las Vegas today for work.... So I'm just going to post this picture I took of a pretty dove in San Marcos.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Domino's Pizza Is Racist!

Today is Barack Obama's 48th birthday! In honor of the President's birthday, Domino's Pizza is offering free servings of their new "CHOCOLATE" cakes.... Hmmmm.... Well played white devil, well played....


I took this picture when I went to get Chinese food on Sunday afternoon. It's been over a month now.... Maybe it's time to wash your car....

Monday, August 3, 2009

Folsom Pwison Blues

Check out this 5 year old singing "Folsom Prison Blues" by Johnny Cash. One of the cutest things I've ever seen.... I think Johnny Cash would be proud....

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